Last night I went to a metal show because my boyfriend’s band was playing. I don’t like metal shows. I don’t like most music shows, actually, because musicians and the people who enjoy being in the company of musicians are generally very strange people.
1) The front man of the first band looked like a skuzzy Thor. I was actually a little bit attracted to him because of the Thor part, but he also looked like Thor if Thor never took a bath, had very agile bass-playing fingers, and wore manpris.
2) Speaking of manpris, EVERYONE WAS WEARING MANPRIS. I don’t get it. If you want to wear shorts, wear shorts that don’t go to the lowest third of your calf. Just sack up and wear pants at that point.
3) Septum piercings everywhere. I hate septum piercings.
4) There was literally a man dressed up in zombie makeup and zombie clothes at this show. No one else was dressed up. Halloween isn’t for months (someone go tell Big Lots that). No one reacted to this at all, except for me and a girl I was talking to. “Don’t look now, but there’s a zombie at the bar behind us.”
5) Oh yeah, EVERYONE was white, except for the one black dude who is friends with all the members of my boyfriend’s band. Where are all the metal homies?